Funny Quotes

Found 4,156 quotes in the topic of Funny .
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Charlie Brown
"There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters . . . I could be their leader."
Charlie Brown
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Funny Quote of the Day
Bill Vaughn
"We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics."
Bill Vaughn
American Journalist Funny Quote of the Day
W. C. Fields
"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."
W. C. Fields
American Comedian Funny
David Letterman
"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."
David Letterman
American Comedian Funny
.
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
Stephen Wright
American Comedian Fishing Funny

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You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
W. C. Fields
"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree."
W. C. Fields
American Comedian Funny
Jay Leno
"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."
Jay Leno
American Comedian Doctors Funny Quote of the Day Short Funny Top Funny
George Carlin
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"
George Carlin
Funny Quote of the Day
Robin Williams
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
Robin Williams
American Comedian Comedy Funny
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W. C. Fields
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull."
W. C. Fields
American Comedian Funny
Bill Cosby
"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."
Bill Cosby
American Comedian Behavior Funny
Emo Philips
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Emo Philips
American Comedian Funny
Mitch Hedberg
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."
Mitch Hedberg
Addiction American Comedian Funny
.
"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."
Elayne Boosler
American Comedian Country Funny
Robin Williams
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
American Comedian Funny
Marilyn Monroe
"Men who think that a woman's past love affairs lessen her love for them are usually stupid and weak. A woman can bring a new love to each man she loves, providing there are not too many."
Marilyn Monroe
Funny Men
Dr Seuss
"In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!"
Dr Seuss
Funny Life
Marilyn Monroe
"Everyone's just laughing at me. I hate it. Big breasts, big ass, big deal, Can't I be anything else ? Gee, how long can you be sexy?"
Marilyn Monroe
Funny
Marilyn Monroe
"It's woman's spirit and mood a man has to stimulate in order to make sex interesting. The real lover is the man who can thrill you by touching your head or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."
Marilyn Monroe
Funny

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