Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Found 72 quotes by Rodney Dangerfield .
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Rodney Dangerfield
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with"
Rodney Dangerfield
Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny Quote of the Day Short Funny Top Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get"
Rodney Dangerfield
People
Rodney Dangerfield
"My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny

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Rodney Dangerfield
"I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Cigarette Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny Hope
Rodney Dangerfield
"One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control"
Rodney Dangerfield
Birth
Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Cheating Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny
Rodney Dangerfield
"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny Luck
Rodney Dangerfield
"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."
Rodney Dangerfield
American Comedian Funny

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