Joan Rivers Quotes

Found 84 quotes by Joan Rivers .
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Joan Rivers
"My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know."
Joan Rivers
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Children Letters
Joan Rivers
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Birth Funny
Joan Rivers
"I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Funny
Joan Rivers
"Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Funny
Joan Rivers
"A child of one can be taught not to do certain things such as touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off their tables by their cords, or wake mommy before noon"
Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Funny
Joan Rivers
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Funny Gifts
Joan Rivers
"Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear"
Joan Rivers
Anger
Joan Rivers
"You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again"
Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
"What a pathetic turn, ... Somebody ought to take that dress away from her. It's got Ronald McDonald's name on it."
Joan Rivers
Dress
Joan Rivers
"Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian England Funny
Joan Rivers
"There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Funny
Joan Rivers
"a good actress with real pathos."
Joan Rivers
Actress
Joan Rivers
"How could she not be happy? She was tall, thin, gorgeous and rich, rich, rich, with a husband who didn't want to sleep with her, two normal children and she had a crown."
Joan Rivers
Gorgeous
Joan Rivers
"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Chinese Funny
Joan Rivers
"I am going into alligator alley."
Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
"You could have had Rosie O'Donnell here to talk about how to be straight. Like no one knew she was gay."
Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."
Joan Rivers
American Comedian Funny

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